Nobody's safe when rulers get together...

So I understand that, though Our Divinely Anointed Maximum Leader (ODAML) doesn't plan to do anything dastardly to gun owners himself he is being forced, quite against his will, to bow under the crushing weight of international opinion and will now "push the U.S. Senate to ratify an inter-American arms trafficking treaty designed to curb the flow of guns and ammunition to drug cartels and other armed groups in the hemisphere."

This is a treaty originally signed by Bubba - er, that is, the Divinely Concupiscent Maximum Leader - and ignored for all the decades since. Suddenly, however, ODAML finds the dusty relic to be simply inescapable. He tried, he really did: He begged, he pleaded, he threatened nuclear war against Mexican President Felipe Calderon because he is just so fervently devoted to the rights of American Citizens. But President Calderon reportedly overpowered ODAML's security guards, knocked ODAML to the ground and tortured him with feathers until he was forced to give in on this one tiny, itsy bitsy point. You'll understand.

"The Obama administration's commitment to seek ratification [of the treaty] is important because stemming the number of illegal privately-owned firearms which flow into Latin America and the Caribbean - well, anywhere - is a high priority for the region our rulers and would-be rulers and addresses a key hemispheric concern relating to people's their personal security and well-being," said a senior Obama administration official who wished to remain anonymous so his name wouldn't appear on the post-revolution indictments.

Yeah, I fixed it for them.

I especially enjoyed this bit, which apparently slipped past the government copy editor:

Many of the guns used by the drug cartels travel south from the United States. Some assault rifles recovered by Mexican authorities have been traced back to U.S. military bases.

Doubleplus ungood! Minitrue malquote military bases rectify rewrite fullwise upsub antifiling...

Many of the guns used by the drug cartels travel south from the United States. Some assault rifles recovered by Mexican authorities have been traced back to U.S. gun stores.

Ah, that's better. Whew. I'm going to step outside for a Victory Cigarette.

UPDATE: The link above now leads to a completely different article, containing more and better lies. The paragraph mentioning military bases is no longer present.

In other news, George Orwell sues the Washington Post for theft of Intellectual Property. Can I call it, or what? ;-)