Betcha didn't have enough to be afraid of this morning, so...

...let me fix that for you.

Maine Takes Aim at Dangers of 'Green' Lightbulbs

It can seem a green contradiction: Compact fluorescent lights – those spiral energy-efficient bulbs used to fight global warming – contain mercury, a toxic metal. If the bulb breaks, mercury vapor can harm infants, pregnant women and young children. If tossed in landfills or incinerators, discarded bulbs can pollute the environment.

Now, as sales balloon, Maine legislators have voted overwhelmingly for first-in-the-nation legislation requiring manufacturers to reduce the mercury in all fluorescent lights, and pay for recycling each bulb safely. That cost is estimated to be 50 cents to $1 per bulb.

Maine Governor John Baldacci, a supporter, is expected to sign the bill, which was passed over the last week. Similar bills regulating compact fluorescent lights -- or CFLs, as they are called -- are pending in Massachusetts and Vermont.

Scared yet? Whoooo! Compact Fluorescent bulbs contain mercury! Whoooo! There - is that scarier?

Note, though, the article mentions once that the bill applies not only to CFLs, but to all fluorescent lights. Because all fluorescent lights contain mercury. Always have. Yes, the ones that have been around since before you were born; the ones in your garage, that you have to smash because otherwise you can't close the lid on your garbage can. Let's try it again: Whoooo! All fluorescent bulbs contain mercury! Whoooo!

Scary, huh?

Uh...you don't seem scared. Well, that makes you smarter than some of the commenters below the article, because they shit bricks:

I'm so angry about this. My wife was 33 weeks pregnant when our cat knocked over a lamp and broke one of these bulbs. She did not know the dangers and cleaned it up. Only after picking up the pieces did she see the small sticker that reads, "contains mercury." How can this be acceptable? How can these bulbs be sold and how can there not be an extremely obvious warning label that describes the potential harm particularly to a fetus or small child on the packaging. Our daughter will be born in the next week, and we can only hope that this has not caused significant harm. I feel like we've regressed decades as it relates to health and safety with this product. Clearly this product should not be in households with pregnant women and young children, perhaps not at all.

This shit just makes me sad.

Of course if you're planning that off-the-grid gulch in your future, I guarantee your pantry will contain a supply of CFLs and you probably won't own a single 'old-fashioned' incandescent lamp. Those things suck juice like Little Bear sayin' hi to Momma. And yes, CFLs do have mercury in them, and yes, you should keep mercury out of your system as much as you can because it can hurt you.

You shouldn't shoot yourself in the foot with your handgun, either. Because bullets can hurt you. You shouldn't burn old (pre-1997) alkaline batteries - mercury. NiCad batteries - cadmium. Lead-Acid auto batteries - lead, and - um - liquid sulfuric acid, which I guarantee ain't good for you. Don't stand under Acme anvils. Stay out of the way of moving vehicles. Don't eat out of bulging cans. Wear a hat in the hot sun. If you go to lunch during a job interview, skip the soup. Am I really telling you anything you don't already know? Use common sense.

Exposure to a milligram or two of mercury vapor has been proven to cause ... well, exactly no health concerns whatsoever. You are far more likely to be damaged by the glass shards from a broken fluorescent bulb than by all the mercury in all the lamps in Wal-Mart.

When I was a kid, "fear-mongering" wasn't even a word. Now it's a way of life.