Ode to Little Bear

Yes, I'm in love. I used to write poems to women, but my woman days are behind me. So I guess I'll write poems to puppies.

I exaggerate just a tad, but he is growing at a frightening pace. I do believe he's at least doubled his weight in two weeks. And while by no means the puppy from hell, when he's in a frisky mood he bears watching. Closely.

Anyway ... *AHEM*

Little Bear, Little Bear, put that pillow down
I knew where all my shit was before you came around
I love my little furball, but swear to god it’s true
I’ll never have a damned nice thing, and all because of you

When you came to my home you were this tiny little thing
You smiled up at my face, and I said let the games begin
How could I know that underneath that little puppy snout
A giant megasaurus was just waiting to come out
I knew I was in trouble when you ate three sacks of food
But that was just the first day; you weren’t in an eating mood
And by the second week, when I had widened all the doors
I found I had to patch the cracks appearing in the floors

Little Bear, Little Bear, put that table down
I knew where all my shit was before you came around
I love my little furball, but swear to god it’s true
I’ll never have a damned nice thing, and all because of you

I love all of your little quirks, your little yaps and growls
I did overreact the day you chewed up all my towels
And when you dug that hole I laughed; you acted such a fool
I think the lava’s rather nice! I can’t wait till it cools
And how the big dogs cower when you hold them in your jaws
I do believe the way you’ve grown has broken nature’s laws
The coyotes have all left now though I asked them please to stay
They told me they were safer with the gangs down in LA

Little Bear, Little Bear, put that big truck down
I knew where all my transport was before you came around
I love my little furball, but swear to god it’s true
I’ll never have a damned nice thing, and all because of you

The neighbors all have moved away, they said they had to run
They couldn’t take the way you blocked their view of sky and sun
The way the earthquake shaking knocks their pots off of their shelves
If they move to Mozambique they think they just might save themselves
A preacher came to witness, but then ran with shouts and screams
‘Bout how you were a beast he had been seeing in his dreams
He read about you in his book, he warned me from his run
I couldn’t hear the chapter; what’s the name of that last one?

Little Bear, Little Bear, put that mountain down
I knew where all my landmarks were before you came around
I love my little furball, but swear to god it’s true
I’ll never have a damned nice thing, and all because of you