So...what, you've only got three rounds in your pistol?

That leaves one for the dogs to gnaw on, which will make them happy and provide healthsome exercise!

Woman narrowly survives harrowing encounter with ... coyotes? Yer shittin' me.

Mary Burke, 47, was out walking her four Labrador retrievers at around 7 a.m. Monday in an area off Groveland Road in the town of Groveland, which is adjacent to Haverhill, when she looked up and saw a coyote staring her down.

"I was talking on the phone to a friend when all of a sudden there was one, then there was four, and they surrounded me," Burke said today. As I turned around, I started crying, I said to my friend, 'Oh my God, I'm not going to make it out of here.' "
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The police were able to locate Burke's exact position using their enhanced 911 system, which pinpointed Burke's cellphone, said Kirmelewicz.

"The GPS feature proved to be a great tool in this instance," Kirmelewicz said. "If we hadn't been able to locate her, who knows what could have happened?"

The dispatcher was able to guide Burke out of the woods as officers rushed to help, but the coyotes kept pursuing.

Okay, I admit I didn't even know there were coyotes in Massachusetts. I can see why they'd move there, though; the Labs, and apparently the people too, are all bred to be good little lapdogs. Lapdogs are food. Save me, Big Brother! Save me! Sounds like a target-rich environment to me.

Afraid of coyotes. That's just disgusting. You know, I really don't like the word "Sheeple" - it's such a cliche, and insulting to boot. But can you name a more accurately descriptive word? Because right now it really seems to fit. Fit this lady with an RFID chip, like the ones no doubt already in her dogs, and she'd not only feel safer; she'd arguably be safer. Clearly she needs the protection of her shepherd at all times.

I mean, what the hell kind of "woods" was she even in, if a police dispatcher could talk her out of them over the telephone?