Things I probably shouldn't say...

Me: Hey, did I tell you? I've been rigging one in ten of these things to peg the meter and go completely nuts at any hint of radiation.

Geiger Counter Guy: Wha?

Me: Yeah, that way whenever somebody so much as touches the button, the counter tells'em they're gonna die a slow and painful death...

GC Guy: You're...

Me: Have you heard anything about the suicide rate lately?

GC Guy: ...Fired.

Me: My job here is done.