Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Fat Albert the Zombie Rat: or, All My Sins Remembered...

Okay, I admit it. I've disregarded - even been vaguely annoyed by - all the talk of zombie preparedness. I was wr not as right as I usually am.

Last week Fat Albert, the big packrat who for quite some time has been my pantry nemesis, went to meet Baby Jesus in the jaws of a big T-Rex rat trap. When I got around to cleaning him out of the trap I found that Click (Oh Please Let It Have Been Click) had eaten him, leaving a rat tail connected to a rat head by a bloody rat spine. I just took him out to the ridge and pitched him unceremoniously over the edge, thinking that was the end of the matter. What a fool I was!

When we met again yesterday morning, he was lurking in wait at the washing machine. I didn't hear him croak "Brains!", but it might have been in high-pitched rat language. The barn isn't far from the ridge: Over the side he went again.

This morning he was in the barn's breezeway, and succeeded in creeping me out pretty thoroughly. I think I'm gonna skip geiger counters this morning and spend a few hours chasing the search term "Good Load for Zombies."

I suppose it's possible Click or one of the boys is having me on. But it's better to be prepared.


Anonymous said...

Just to be safe, you might consider a few bunches of garlic hung in strategic doorways.

Anonymous said...

You have to decapitate zombies. That was your mistake.

Anonymous said...

First the cat was drooling on you in anticipation of your discourteously delayed (the cat is waiting) demise and subsequent conversion to a meat buffet for her.
Then you have nazi zombie drone rat central nervous systems stalking you.
And a phantom (possibly 9mm absorbing zombie) bear lurking?

About the rodent undead:
Remember the Talky Tina Twilight Zone episode with Telly Savalas?

Yer boned.

Buck. (as yet not infected)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Joel.

I enjoyed that chuckle.
Say ... is that a ratskelsnake behind you?

Garlic lots of garlic ... definitely.

stay safe,


Joel said...

Isn't garlic for vampires? I thought shotguns (and machetes, and baseball bats, and banjos) were for zombies.

Claire said...

In addition to the machetes, shotguns, etc. -- don't forget decapitating them by flinging old LPs.