The Ultimate Answer to Kings: It works!

They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means "The Ultimate Argument of Kings," and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. "We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it's about: You'll do as I say or I'll send my goons to kill you."

I thought about that for a long time. If there's an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I've got bullets - he's got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that's not going to happen. So if there's an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain't bullets.

It finally came to me - and that's when I left the city, abandoned a goodly percentage of my goods, and gave all that was behind me a good, stiff Randian Shrug.

The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

It works!

I may have implied, here and there in posts about The Secret Lair, that in matters of building stuff I'm not exactly Bob Vila. That implication is correct. Hell, the first time I tried to hook up the cabin electrical to power, the inverter exploded. Wonder the whole place didn't burn down. Damn it, Jim, I'm a writer - not a contractor.

Hence my pleasant surprise every time something goes right...

I've got my very own flush toilet!

9 comments:

Big Wooly said...: A man's house may be his castle, but it's not complete without the throne. Congrats, Joel!; July 3, 2011 at 3:03 PM
Anonymous said...: Woo hoo.... I have spent a few too many moons using the too hot in the Summer, too cold in the Winter outhouse or a bug ridden jungle hut with a pit to not know that a good indoor commode a cause for celebration.
Is that a shower enclosure in there too?
Watch out Joel, you might be accused of being a civilized man if you don't slow down.

Buck; July 3, 2011 at 3:10 PM
The Grey Lady said...: There is not enought resepect or homage paid to the wonders of the modern water closet..Congratulations Joel!; July 3, 2011 at 7:39 PM
LJH said...: It's lovely! I'm a huge fan of indoor plumbing. Now put the seat down.; July 3, 2011 at 8:14 PM
Mayberry said...: NEVER put the seat down : ) And the offset is good, plenty of room for a basket of reading material...; July 3, 2011 at 10:54 PM
Brass said...: Flushing is fundamental!; July 4, 2011 at 11:12 AM
Anonymous said...: YEP Seat UP !
Because Yay ! Little Bear has an indoor drinking fountain he can share with his posse.

{Meanwhile Click thinks ... Well there goes the neighborhood. Where's the Cat's drinking fountain?}

Sheesh ....
There goes the romantic image of a lone desert hermit struggling against Nature via his wits and skills.

To be replaced by ...
the 21st Century lone desert hermit struggling against Nature via his wits and skills. Hmm ...

Obviously you're not afraid you'll lose the latrine digging skill set I take it?

Enjoy the luxury.

gooch; July 5, 2011 at 12:20 AM
Joel said...: The septic system that makes that toilet go has required so much digging that I'm unlikely to ever forget it.

Ever.; July 5, 2011 at 4:57 PM
Joel said...: Oh, and the seat stays up. I'm a rebel.; July 5, 2011 at 4:58 PM