WASHINGTON -- The U.S. government has warned domestic and international airlines that some terrorists are considering surgically implanting explosives into humans to carry out attacks, The Associated Press has learned.The U.S. government? WHO in the U.S. government? The writer apparently doesn't know.
People traveling to the U.S. from overseas may experience additional screening at airports because of the threat, according to the Transportation Security Administration.How do you "pat-down" somebody for a surgically implanted bomb? Palpate his liver - to see if it's there?
"These measures are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same activity at every international airport," TSA spokesman Nick Kimball said. "Measures may include interaction with passengers, in addition to the use of other screening methods such as pat-downs and the use of enhanced tools and technologies."
Would that actually work? Sticking a bomb inside yourself, I mean. I'm reminded of the "Butt-Bomb" ass-assin of a mere two years ago - that didn't work so good. They say he packed a whole pound of moldable explosive up his ass, stood right next to his target, ... and didn't kill anybody but himself. There's lots of tightly-packed meat in there, and you'd need a pretty big bomb to overcome it enough to be a real threat - to anyone but yourself.
But that's mere logic - we're talking about the TSA. And since that is the topic, I naturally think it's probably all a nefarious plot.
Could it be TSA honchos are getting tired of all the "groping" stories? That 95-year-old lady with the diaper isn't going away soon, and they never seem to run out of little kids getting molested in front of surreptitious cameras. They started the "Enhanced pat-down" thing just as a way of horrifying people into shutting up and going through the porno-scanners. I guess that hasn't worked out all that well for them. Maybe now they're floating a "new threat" that will provide the excuse to force everybody into the scanners?
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OK, let's start our own rumor, just for fun.
OMG! Today the TSA announced that beginning immediately they will begin searching all passengers for tampon bombs and suppository bombs. A TSA spokesperson said, "This is totally necessary because someone in government security heard a rumor on an internet blog about terrorists planning to do this. All females over the age of 8 will be checked for explosive tampons in a caring and sensitive manner by specially trained agents. Male travelers will be screened for prostate problems as an added benefit of the explosive rectal suppository screening. Elderly travelers with incontinence problems will be given a complementary TSA branded diaper. We know that all patriotic Americans will support these new safety precautions."
Regional TSA spokesperson Chester Feldman is quoted as saying, "If a passenger isn't hiding anything, then they shouldn't be worried about our professionals performing rectal and vaginal exams on their wives and children."
Satirizing the security-theater gov/industrial complex is freaking hard, when their version of reality is farther over the top than the jokes:
The Cook County sheriff in Illinois introduced such a machine, known as the RadPro SecurPass, at its jail in February. [...] Another was found to have kidney stones and was transported to a hospital.
It's about M-O-N-E-Y. They've developed a new type of scanner that sees beneath the skin. Functions more like a traditional x-ray, but is capable of seeing various objects inside the body.
They want to justify buying them. Pigs. If every TSA agent died of a radiation-induced cancer, the world would be a better place. Too bad the honchos don't hang around to get more of their share of the exposure too.
I find myself wondering what mayhem a kinky type person who indulged with butt plugs could cause in one of those full body scanners?
Buck.
Yes, I have a diseased mind.
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