Ned Ludd Nanny Knows Best

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood has gotten to enjoy his career of throwing transportation department money and his weight around the various state governments. But now he's got a new passion: Saving you from what you can't do...though you may have been doing it all along.

"It makes me crazy when I see people in Washington with a phone up to their ear and a can of soda on their lap thinking that they can do these things. They just simply can't. It does drive me a little crazy."

So he wants a New! Federal! Law! against texting while driving.

Now, full disclosure: I've been in cars while the drivers were texting away. I knew a kid who seemed to have supernatural ability to text, and he seemed to do it every waking moment. My moments in that particular shotgun seat are among my more terrifying memories. I think texting while driving is one of life's stupider decisions. But that doesn't mean this jackass has the right to make the decision for you. If I'd thought it was that big a problem, I'd have wrenched the cellphone out of the kid's hands. I don't need LaHood to help me with that.

Texting, of course, is only the beginning. What really bothers him isn't texting, but distraction.

he's no fan of car companies who pack steering wheels with high-tech gear, like Ford with its voice-activated Sync system that aids the use of hands-free phones and navigation systems. "I'm concerned that some of these car manufacturers are putting all these gadgets and bells and whistles in cars that are going to distract people."

Wait'll somebody tells him that the biggest distraction a driver can face is the kids in the (federally mandated) back seat...

"I'm not going to be dissuaded by people who say we can't do it," he says. "We can do it. We've done it in two other instances, with seat belts and drunk driving."

But enough of these half-measures. If I were him, I'd go whole-hog and demand hockey helmets in showers. With Federal monitors to perform random spot checks. That'd save some lives, boy.