On Last Week's Orca Attack...

I've been thinking about this a lot since I heard about it. Not because of anything having to do with current life - though for a while it looked like polar bear sightings were becoming possible, I don't really expect to encounter many orcas here in the desert. But because of something from the past.

My daughter spent much of her childhood - in between demands for a horse - absolutely convinced she was going to be a marine mammal trainer when she grew up. She was fascinated by all things delphinidae, the bigger the better, and particularly by orcas. I was once conned into driving all the way to Chicago - the only time I've ever been there - specifically because the aquarium there had a pod of beluga whales and it was the only place you could see them.

So - where this is going - several years ago when she was a tad we went to Seaworld to see the Orca show. And there's this one part of the show where an audience member is invited to come down to the pool...lean way over...and then the Orca spyhops out of the water...opens its vast, gaping mouth with its rows of gleaming teeth the size of my biggest dog...and gently touches the tourist's face with its tongue. Given a choice between undergoing this ritual and deliberately leaping off a tall building, I'd choose the building without hesitation. Daughter, of course, absolutely was going to do this and it was made clear that I didn't get a vote. I voted anyway, and was treacherously overruled by Mom. Then ensued the most terrifying five seconds of my life.

My intellect said, "Oh, come on. They do this five times a day, and nobody's ever been hurt." The monkey part of my brain just said, "OHGODOHGODOHGOD..." until it was over. This was maybe fifteen years ago, and the memory can still raise my blood pressure. I only have one offspring, and I don't think sticking her head in an orca's mouth is a suitable form of recreation, okay?

A fairly typical exchange from those days:

Me: Would you get in a tank with a great white shark?
Daughter: No! Of course not.
M: Are you aware that orcas kill and eat great white sharks, apparently just for laughs?
D: Really? Cool!
M: Do you know how they do it? They don't just bite the shark in half, though they could. That would be too utilitarian. No, they grab the shark by the head and hold it still until it suffocates. Because orcas can stay still in water, and sharks can't. And somehow the orcas are aware of this. And you want to get in a tank with one?

So yeah. When I read about tragic incidents like this, I'm glad daughter gave up her dreams of marine mammals to pursue her true vocation of professional slacker.