Sunday, March 20, 2011

The downside of "off the radar"

My papers are not in order. It's a sad fact.

Even back when I went to some effort to keep my papers neatly in order, they were usually screwed up in some way. Some license or registration out of date, some form not filled out right or sent to the wrong office. If I ever in my life went to a DMV office to renew a driver's license and actually accomplished that on the first try, the incident isn't coming to mind right now. So it isn't really a political statement, just a Freudian thing: I'm terrible about paperwork.

In the past several years, of course, this has become a real issue because on some matters I don't even try anymore. I have no driver's license, for example, and for various reasons not to be discussed here I would find it difficult and expensive to change that. For a long time I drove around anyway - yes you CAN drive without a license, the car starts right up - but then I got caught and it was an extremely humiliating and expensive experience which I mostly strive not to repeat. So now I don't even own a car - the Jeep belongs to Landlady, and while I use it for local, mostly off-road chores I don't often risk it by going into town. One of the downsides of small towns is that once the local law knows you, it doesn't forget you.

This raises certain complications. I can and do store one freak of a lot of beans and rice, but a steady diet of little but that makes life itself a burden after a while. So I impose on neighbors for rides a lot, trying to keep karmic balance by always showing up when they want something done, but that doesn't always work. My neighbors are also largely hermits, and sometimes the ride supply just dries up. This was the case for quite some time before last week, when I suddenly found myself fully employed and without the time to bum rides or take very long walks through the desert. Which meant I was down to pretty much nothing in the pantry except the bulk stuff - I didn't even have time to bake bread. Yesterday afternoon I went to raid the last of Landlady's old supply of dried potatoes, and found out why that rat has been so evident in the pantry lately...


Between that and the egg lady down the road going out of business, that was just the last friggin' straw. I wanted something fresh to eat, and I wanted it now. Here I had a pocket full of money, and nothing I could spend it on!

So last night I waited for dark and did something bad. I locked up the boys - making sure to top off the water in case I didn't come back - and I snuck into town. So now, until I get paid tomorrow, I don't have a pocket full of money. But I do have potatoes and onions and eggs and quicky lunch stuff and booze and tobacco and gasoline.

And having gotten away with it this once, except for a twinge of conscience over the risk to Landlady's Jeep, I don't feel a damn bit bad about that. Guess I'm just evil.

7 comments:

Guffaw in AZ said...

Back in the 70's/80's, when I was young and poor, I used to no register my plate, for 2 reasons:
1) I was poor, and
2) I just didn't like giving money to the gummint!
I remember getting caught 3 or 4 times, and paying large fines and fees. Still torques my jaw!

Mayberry said...

Yeah, "evil". Because driving is a "privelege" ya know. To which I sez, "priveleges" are for children and prisoners, so which one are you? Never seems to sway the nanny state cheerleaders though. Sigh... That's why I like boats; they haven't regulated them completely to death. Yet...

The Grey Lady said...

I have a son who was never big on complying, drove no plates no papers since he was 15, drove me bat snake crazy, always worried about him getting picked up by the friendly neighbourhood police who knew he drove with no plates and no "papers" because we live in a small village where everyone knows about everyone's business. They mostly keep their mouths shut because they live and let live out here unlessen of course you annoy them then all bets are off. My wasn't my young lad just one of the most annoying persons on the planet??? Of course he was..fines fines everywhere a fine Yikes. Kids where do they get these anti-social types of ideas. :O)

Anonymous said...

What about a gas scooter? Here, you don't need a license.Some scooters hit 90MPH,and look like small motorcycles-ain't slopeds. You can pick them up used cheap sometimes. In rural areas around here,ATVs are all over the road. As long as you not *too ignurnt* on the road, you're usually left alone..many small towns overlook ATVs as well. Depends on the town,cops,and the mood they're all in, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should set up a system where you post a need and we, your faithful readership, send it via UPS or FedEx. Wouldn't work for gas or fresh eggs, but could cover the rest. ;<)) K

Joel said...

Nope, mopeds are out and while I'd really like to own an ATV it wouldn't solve my legal transport issues. Small motorcycles and ATVs have the same licensing requirements in this state as automobiles.

The single exception is motor-driven bicycles, and I tried that a couple of years ago. Beat the poor thing to shards within a month. A trouble-free trip was unusual, a trouble-free ROUND trip was almost unheard of, and finally the clutch just gave out. Examination showed the bicycle wasn't far behind, so it wasn't worth the expense of fixing it.

Anonymous said...

Not that I have any experience with them but perhaps a mule ?
Feeding it would be the killer in your area.

Then again ... the "midnight Ride" concept seems to work .... mostly.


Maybe buy a junker and use it so Landlady and her Jeep don't have to be involved at all ?

I'll go be quiet now ....

gooch