I'm thinking of feasting on 64 ounces of your flesh, pal.

But it would probably poison me.

See, this is why I live in the desert with dogs and guns. Right here.

The confusion, the incoherence, the contradictions are rife. But the intent comes through loud and clear. I read a single example...

Are bacon-cheeseburgers next? As a practical matter, no. Sodas are an easy target because there is nothing, nothing, nutritionally redeeming about them. But might there come a day when the New York City Department of Health mandates that burgers be limited to, say, four ounces? Indeed there might. And why not? Eight- and ten-ounce burgers are sick things.

So, as a practical matter bacon cheeseburgers won't be banned. Until "there comes a day" when they are. Thanks for clearing that up.

Geez, it's too early in the morning for this. Have a lot of people gotten kind of tubby? No doubt, and it isn't new. Hell, at one point when I lived in the city I was headed for 200 pounds and I'm not a big guy: About fifty pounds of it were pure flab. I don't blame drive-throughs and Big Macs, though I love them dearly. I put the blame right where you do, Mr. Tomasky: On me. Which doesn't mean we agree about anything, because nobody had the right then and nobody has the right now to stick even a metaphorical gun in my face (and we both know the gun isn't a metaphor, don't we?) and demand I eat less and get more exercise. "It's my life," says my personal life coach Eric Burton, "and I'll do what I want."

Oh, judge all you want. If - god forbid - I knew anything about your personal life, Mr. Tomasky, I'm sure I'd find plenty to judge. That's just the way it works. The difference between us is that nothing on this earth could induce me to reform your unsavory habits at the point of a gun - as long as they weren't harming me.

But then we'll never agree on what constitutes harm, will we? I note that the word Liberty appears twice in your screed - both times in sneer quotes. What you find a dispensable luxury, I consider essential to my well-being. Even more essential than Big Macs, though I love them still.

You say that in your perfect world:

We’ll have won an important victory over Libertarianism Gone Wild, a far bigger threat to society than even Sunkist Orange.

I say come and try to win your victory, Mr. Tomasky. But have the courage to do it yourself, if you feel that strongly about it. Don't hide behind bureaucrats and uniformed goons to win your victory. Come and take it yourself.

I promise not to eat you.